Thursday, May 12, 2016

I Get By with a Little Help from my Friends

When I wrote my last blog, "Only a Broken Spirit" on Tuesday, I was on a flight from Las Vegas to Chicago, the first leg of my return trip to Rwanda.  If any of you have read it you know it was raw and from my heart.  When I pressed send the plane was landing in Chicago and I wouldn't have internet again until almost 24 hours later after two more 9 hour flights and a 2+ hour drive to Musanze from the airport in Kigali.  

I didn't know what to expect.  Sometimes the raw truth is just a little too raw for most people.  It's not pretty.  It's vulnerable and messy.  The internet is a scary place. Perhaps that is why I wrote it and sent it knowing it would just have to be "out" there for 24 hours.  Generally one to two hundred people read any particular blog.  It's mostly for friends and family.  When I got back to my house in Rwanda I was shocked.  So many people had sent messages, love and support via Facebook, email and the blog.  I was completely blown away.  I am an introvert.  I know...shocking for someone who keeps a blog and works in marketing.  I swear, I really am.  I threw one of my lowest points out into my world and all that came back was love, care and concern.  Some of the love, care and concern from people I haven't spoken with in years but who told me they follow my journey.

Thank all who commented and messaged me.  Sometimes, in our darkest moments, we forget how many people do care as we tend to focus on all the people who don't.  

On Cinco de Mayo I was out with a bunch of my cycling friends in Vegas.  I had a moment (before two margaritas) when I was laughing hysterically and suddenly realizing how much fun I was having.  I had lost the art of just having some simple fun with friends.  Those moments have gotten fewer and farther between in Rwanda as my friends here are very much like me, workaholic do gooders who forget to do for themselves.  After seven years of leaving Las Vegas there are times, on my bike or with my cycling friends, that I feel like I've never left.  That's a good thing.

Cinco de Mayo with Gina & Ami and many more

I am a strong believer in a higher power, for me that's the Baby Jesus.  I need prayers.  I need to know I'm not alone and I have people in my corner even 10,000 miles away.  I know that now.

I promise to work more on taking care of myself so I can better care for the ones I love here so far away from the world I'm from.  I promise to take more trips and laugh more and remember why I fell in love with what I do.  I still expect it to evolve, it's time, but it will be the next adventure.

Paris a few years back for the Tour de France total goofy funness that week!

The Tour of Rwanda 2014...the first year we won.  

2015 we won again and it was truly one of the worst weeks of my life filled with stress, anxiety, sadness, anticipation and then finally little acknowledgment for all the work we had done.  I need to get back to that woman laughing on the car in November 2014.  

Seeing all the messages I received I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I'm not in this alone.  Thank you to all of you who made me believe again that what I do least to the friends and family who love me.  #teamisteam

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe I missed all this.

    Okay my friend, I feel like you are back at the chicken finger crossroads of this chapter of your life. Albeit this work is more impactful than chicken fingers.

    Find what makes you happy. You are allowed joy. Life was not meant to be endured. It was meant to be lived.

    There are challenges, of course. Not every day is easy.

    But the joy should easily outweigh the drudgery.

    When it does not, it is time for a transition in either your life or mindset.

    You like to hang on. To fix things. But not everything is fixable and it is certainly not your duty or obligation. Especially when the joy is lost. You'll start to lose the passion that keeps you going.

    Read funny books. Plant a garden (my cures). Paint. Meditate. Pray. Find something to make you smile that's yours. Write dirty limericks that you plan to inscribe on bathroom walls- anything.

    Just promise me you'll smile every day. And when you can't, you know it's okay to move on and you given it your all.

    I love you, my friend.